Falling In | Texas Mental Health Creative Arts Contest

Thoughts swirled in my head.
They were racing, disorienting.
Then nothing- the numbness set in.
For so long, I’d been trying to hold together,
To control a world and a life I had self-created
Based off expectation and what I “thought” was the right path.
Walking in a stigmatized identity.
All had seemed to a well pieced reality,
But now, I had reached the end- the pit.
The ground beneath me broke, and I was falling in…
Saving others was default mode,
And now, there was no one to save me.
Falling in…
So used to doing the saving,
Now there was no life raft to cling to.
Where there was once life and clarity,
Darkness had comfortably made its abode.
Gripped by the fear, isolated,
Entrenched by the anguish.
The faith inside me placed under strain and
Clouded by lost dreams and hazy vision.
My soul cried out to the heavens above,
Hoping and praying for an answer from God.
As I cried out for strength
And laid in the emotional pit, the depth of my despair,
I realized that help was on the way.
A reassurance that my mind would be strengthened
As my soul longed to be free.
That the connection between my mind and my sanity
Was a matter of finding hope and healing by
Falling in..
To trust and healthy relationships
To uncover hidden thoughts, unmet expectations, and deferred hope.
Falling in..
To explore words and insecurities
Things of the past that had shaped, repressed, and skewed emotions.
Falling in..
To release the hurt from the past and from injustice,
To regain focus, vision, confidence, and purpose
To restore stability in my mind.
To cast aside guilt, shame, anxiety,
To break out of the empty shell,
To find wholeness and health
To feel human again.