By: Lina Gensollen
Honorable Mention · Adult Writing (2023)
By: Lina Gensollen
Honorable Mention · Adult Writing (2023)
I feel the weight of gravity
It tugs and pulls me down
I feel that I am sinking
I am about to drown
People all around me
Yet I always feel alone
Depression on the inside
Happiness still unknown
Anxiety screaming so very loud
Telling me to panic
My better judgment can’t be found
Daily fighting this dynamic
My PTSD keeps me weary
I feel it flow through my veins
Flashes of a younger me
Always seems to remain
The future really scares me
I get triggered every day
Nightmares in the day and night
Learning that crying is ok
It’s hard to even trust myself
And relationships never last
I’m scared that they may hurt me
Overtaken by my past
Outweighing better judgment
Struggling with BPD
Regulating through abandonment
Who am I and what is my identity
My moods are impossible
It’s always up and down
I never know what’s coming next
My emotions keep me bound
It always happens tried and true
Keeping control so the pain will subside
They hurt me, and I hurt them too
A hermit crab, soft on the inside.
A friend, an interpreter, a social cue
For autism is a beautiful thing
It will forever be a part of me
It’s the unique song that I sing
Saying the wrong thing is part of my history
Socially awkward and don’t understand
Sarcasm is really a mystery
Masking to fit in and find a helping hand
I will not let the diagnosis
Or, one or two or three,
Cause stigma or shame
But raise awareness for resiliency
With love, I can feel the depression lessen
With support, I can see PTSD subside
With help, I can feel my BPD fading
With a safe place, I can see my anxiety ease
With acceptance, I can feel that autism doesn’t define me
I may not find these from someone else
I find it within myself
Self-love, self-support, self-help,
my own safe place, and self-acceptance
This is called learning to cope
Even if I have no one to love or support me
I can love myself, this gives me hope
Self-love will help I guarantee
Mental health is a journey
With lots of different routes
We must realize we are worthy
We must learn to reach out
Reach out to embrace healing
To find in ourselves fulfillment
Mental health means to me
Learning to be resilient
-Lina Jo