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Not Who We Are, Not Who We Were, but Who We Are Becoming

By: Regina Gordy

3rd · Adult Writing (2019)

Becoming isn’t easy, in fact it’s very hard. People catch fragments of our darkest days. They think that’s who we are. As if, we couldn’t shine like the sun or illuminate the sky like a billion twinkling stars. They see the chaos that looms about, as if it were our choosing, sometimes we are able to control the battle that we find we’re often losing. Our parents, they sees us differently, they see the us living in victory, but they often need to rest because they are there through it all, even when we’re not our best. I am wounded. I’m afflicted. These are the invisible signs we hold that no one sees. Yet, the opposite we are. We pretend the judgment from others doesn’t hurt, but our feelings remind us that’s not true. Sometimes, we just need to know we are loved and not feel so afraid that everyone will leave because of mistakes we have made. It isn’t my intention to hurt you with my words or cause you any harm, but this alarm goes off inside, and sometimes I’m a tornado; no, I’m a hurricane, at least a category 5. Still, I take no pleasure in these situations. Sometimes I feel remorse, but other times it’s lacking. No sooner has the mess been tidied up than another mess is made. Even though I seem different, I’m not much different than you. I want love and acceptance, and not to feel alone. I want to feel safe, not like the ground is somehow sinking. Most people will see what they want to and say we’re doing this by choice, others try to change the stigma and they become our voice. Until, I find my real voice, and I’m living in victory, I have to depend on Love speaking up for me.